Notes
Impama = Clap
yesizwe = of the Nation
Impimpi = a counter-revolutionary spy
Chesa Mpama = Hot clap
I and my fellow party members get to cast two votes each, mainly because all of us are ambidextrous and what you do on the left you are supposed to do on the right, the logic is simple and we believe in logic, yes sir we do and this is why we get two votes and the rest, 1 each. It follows then that my salary, once I get that cushiony job in parliament, should be twice that of the average parliamentarian, especially after all the hard work I put into mobilizing at the grass-roots level (one cannot underestimate the effort it takes to translate something as complex as ideology into simpleton) but me and my comrades we are smart so we developed what we call revolutionary touch-points that allow us to communicate our ideology to the masses, for example:
· Burn a school to show that we are all in favor of free education.
· Loot and destroy all stores belonging to foreigners to show that we are in favor of economic freedom.
· Kill a farmer to show that we are in favor of land re-distribution.
Our policy is different from the rest in that we strongly believe that action is the difference and if anyone questions our motives, we simply call them an impimpi, gather a good year,95 unleaded, a box of lion’s finest, and then we start a bonfire, this effectively stamps out any ill-discipline within our revolutionary movement. We are PALM (Peoples African Liberation Movement), our slogan is Chesa mpama and our logo is a front-facing raised palm of the hand in the pre-kaffirklap pose.
We at PALM take our revolutionary mandate very seriously indeed and because we believe in the emancipation of women we have allocated a substantial amount of time and money towards setting up nationwide twerk centers as part of our skills empowerment program, that we hope will teach young girls to feel comfortable within their bodies and own their sexuality which we believe are two key components of women’s liberation. Added to these centers will be courses on cooking and motherhood as part of their preparation for their more important role within society: that of nurturing and supporting the growth of the family unit.
Our youth development program focuses on practical skills development by offering courses that will enhance our strengths in our revolutionary endeavors. The courses offered include but are not limited to:
· Petrol bombing (1 year: national certificate course)
· Projectile throwing (6-month course)
Ø Beginner
Ø Intermediate
Ø Advanced
For our more affluent members, we offer the following courses:
· Surviving exile (doctorate course: for as long as it takes )
With areas of study in the following;
Ø Caviar eating (the Do’s and Don’ts)
Ø Popping bottles and champagne-sipping (in front of the masses)
Ø Large celebratory cake cutting (in front of the masses)
Ø German car fetish (how to acquire one)
And because no true revolution happens without bloodshed, we are in the process of training and preparing our own army which we like to call impama yesizwe!
Vote for PALM! Aluta continua!
Disclaimer: The organization and its policies are purely a work of fiction, any resemblance with actual or real organizations in the past and/or current is purely accidental. The author shall not take responsibility for the actions of those acting on the assumption that the contents of this fictional piece are fact.
